His Golden Eyed Hunter
by AccidentalNaps
Summary: Edward and Bella are forced to face the reality of the dangerous nature of their relationship when the absent Cullen, Clara, returns to the family in devastating circumstances. Set between New Moon and Eclipse. All Canon pairings.
1. Vision

**So I have finally pulled together all my courage and got round to posting this. I've been writing it in bits for a couple of weeks now, and done about 600 versions of it, but this is the one I like.**

**I own nothing, except my laptop. And reviews are nice to read! This chapter is short, and for that I apologise, damn you exposition! Enjoy**

**-**

_Clara sat on the bed, shaking as she desperately fought to regain control over her instincts. The evidence of her deed was all over her, from the crimson glow in her blackened eyes to the blood stains on the floor._

_"Don't leave me." She whispered urgently. "Please."_

_She gripped the bed frame and closed her eyes, desperate to banish the memory of what had passed, desperate to not have to look at the evidence of she had done for the first time since she had been changed, to the one human she believed she was truly non threatening to._

_Apparently not._

_Clara forced herself to open her eyes and look at what she had let happen, who she had killed. Her shaking began again, even stronger than before, as revulsion and her natural reactions were poised to overwhelm her. The air was laden with the sweet scent of his blood; Clara had stopped breathing long before to give herself a better chance of maintaining control, even though control was what she needed so desperately a few minutes ago, rather than now. She allowed herself a glance down at his limp and lifeless corpse, and let the self hatred take over. The pain that filled her cold chest was incomparable and she clutched at her long still heart in a vain attempt to ease the pain that overcame her completely._

_Silently and alone she stayed in front of his body, physically unmoving but internally she was thrashing with the agony of what she was and what she had done. She stared at his empty, unseeing eyes, allowing his final expression to become etched upon her memory; she would not let herself forget it quickly. His pupils, a result of the fear and pain she had caused in his final moments, were stretched to make his eye almost as black as hers. In the smooth glassy surface of them she saw her own reflection; the unnatural blackness of her iris, hellishly illuminated temporarily by the blood of the corpse splayed on the floor in front of her. His body, a symbol of mistrust, monstrosity, betrayal and truth had to be dealt with. She knew this, and she steeled herself for the task ahead of her._

_It was several hours before she found the resolve to carry it out, and though to human eyes it would be finished in the blink of an eye, to Clara, every movement was laboured, heavy and lethargic. She took one final look at the man she loved and disconnected herself from any involvement in his death._

-

Alice let out a gasp involuntarily; the strength and content of her vision had shocked her. She looked up to see the rest of her family looking expectantly down the table at her.

"Clara's coming home." She said briefly before falling silent again and looking down, catching Edward's eye on the way.

Esme wanted to be overjoyed at the prospect of the family being complete once again, but held back, noting the significance in Alice's silence and Edward's intense gaze at his sister.

"Alice? Edward?" Came Carlisle's commanding tone from the head of the table. "Is Will coming with her? When should we expect her?"

Alice shook her head softly, when she looked back up at Carlisle, the sadness in her eyes was unparalleled. "Will is dead, she's going to kill him."


	2. Puzzle

**I own nothing, and I never will, the amount of student debt i am in.**

**Thankyou for my one review, it made me so excited!**

**I have too many clauses in my sentences, I wish i never knew how to use a semi colon (i dont even know if i am doing to right to be fair). And I refuse to use the phrase 'liquid topaz' to describe the eyes of our favourite family. I've made too many jokes about it to take myself seriously if i ever did. This is very angsty, and for that I blame 'Elephant' by Damien Rice (the 6 minute live version on youtube in a church- go and listen, its incredible and sad). I think you can even tell the moments that I wrote with nothing playing, they not so depressing. Hope you like this. :)**

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Alice shook her head softly, when she looked back up at Carlisle, the sadness in her eyes was unparalleled. "Will is dead, she's going to kill him."

I felt my stomach constrict tightly. I could feel seven pairs of vampiric eyes on me, obviously detecting my pounding heartbeat. My mind and heart were racing, and the thundering between my chest and my head was enough to distract me from any of the questions that were hurling themselves around my mind.

"Who is Clara?" I asked, finally settling on the most obvious of all them.

Esme was the only one who seemed to be able to provide me with any information. "Clara is a Cullen." She said gently, her richly coloured eyes penetrating mine.

Obviously baring the name Cullen implied many things about the missing sister; she was a member of the family in the way that I longed to be. She was beautiful and dangerous and fast and she carried a surname that held both a blessing and a curse to each of the members of the family. Rosalie's was her wish to be human; Esme's lay with her inability to bear a child; Emmett's was his frustration at being unable to make Rosalie happy about immortal; Jasper's his conflict with his conscience and his instincts. Seemingly, whoever this Will was had come to be Clara's curse. I suddenly wondered what my curse would be when I was turned.

The chill that spread across my body was involuntary; the goose bumps that followed down my arms also unwelcome. But it was not fear that was creeping through my body like a poisonous vine, it was concern. I couldn't understand it, here was a Cullen I had no connection to and had never met and I was worrying about her, just like Esme was worrying about her. No, Esme was worrying like a mother, that much was clear from the deep frown on her porcelain forehead. I felt like her sister. It was inexplicable but unmistakeable.

I was so deeply smothered in my thoughts that I was barely aware of the hum of the conversation around me, only being jerked out of my own head by the sound Edward calling my name softly.

"You're very quiet Bella." He said, pulling my chair closer to his so there was more physical contact between us. "It makes me nervous when you don't have thousands of questions."

I smiled in reflex. "I,…" I hesitated, fear of them laughing at me stilled my voice.

Suddenly, my fear and worry had evaporated, clarity flooded my mind and I smiled apologetically at Jasper on the other side of the table. My emotions were strong enough for him to have to alter them which shocked me again. How could I be feeling so much for someone I had no idea about?

"I'm worried about Clara." I admitted finally, looking directly at Edward. "I feel really scared for her."

Meaningful glances were shared over my head around the table, and only fragments of their hushed conversation managed to reach my pitifully human ears.

"She's too far away." Carlisle replied to an unheard question with a brisk shake of his head.

I knew no one would answer me straight but I asked the question anyway, "Too far away for what?" I twisted in my seat to look at Edward, he shook his head.

"Ask another." He said, with a smile out of place on his grave face.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance, his attempts to protect me from my own curiosity had always resulted in more questions. Edward knew this, so there was something about Clara that he really didn't want me to know. I sighed, confident I would get the information eventually. I would just have to use it as an exercise of my patience. The next in line was pretty harmless, so I settled for it.

"Why didn't you tell me about her before?"

Edward's frown deepened. "I never thought you would be meeting her."

"Clara hasn't been with us for nearly 10 years. We didn't expect to see her for a long time." Carlisle explained slowly.

"Why? Where did she go?" My unease was building with the tension of the explanation.

"Clara has been living in New York for the past 7 years. She left us because she fell in love."

I shook my head, the facts I was being given not aligning correctly. "Why did she leave because of that?"

"Because he didn't want to live the way that we did. I can understand the adjustment would be difficult for him, but if he loved Clara as much as she loved him, surely he would have been willing to try." Alice said, her hand tightening around Jasper's.

"But he didn't want to." I finished.

"So she made the sacrifice to keep them together, and left us." Carlisle continued, evidently hurting from the memory of Clara's departure.

My words froze in my throat, the tension in the room was palpable and suddenly I knew why; they hadn't been willing to let her go.

Carlisle was shaking his head. "I wanted nothing more than for Clara to be happy, and I wanted to believe that he would be the one to do that for her, but I was also not willing to let my youngest go so quickly." His expression was pained. "The argument was brutal." He closed his eyes momentarily, reliving it. "Such terrible things were said, by everyone. After she left, the house changed, from a place of absolute freedom, to one where we cowered, stung daily by the reminder of Clara and what had passed. It wasn't until we moved on that we were able to do just that; move on."

"So, did she start hunting humans in New York?"

Carlisle started, "not at all." He said quickly. "Clara has never tasted human blood. There would be no reason for her to change that now."

And then I lost the coherent thread of the narrative, what was the lifestyle change that Alice had meant, what was Clara's sacrifice? The confusion might as well have been written across my face with a thick black pen. All of them could see it, without even having to look at Jasper they could tell I had tied myself into a massive knot

And then Edward provided me with the final piece to the world's most confusing puzzle. Edward who had not spoken at all about his sister, Edward, whose voice was unfamiliar because of the fierce edge to it, Edward, who was looking pointedly away from me.

"Will was human."

I could see it slotting into place, and I wanted to reach out and stop it from completing the image, and throw it away before anyone else could see. It fit snugly, with a resounding click, and I saw the picture was not the faceless Will and Clara, but Edward and I.

I wanted to be sick, there must have been a mistake, Alice must have seen wrongly. I spluttered for a moment before being able to express myself. "But, aren't your visions easily changed? What if she changes her path?"

Alice shook her head, "I want to be wrong Bella, I truly do. But this is already on course to happen; it was so strong that I don't think it was very far ahead of us."

"Couldn't Edward go and get her, and stop her?" I almost begged, looking desperately at each of the vampires around me in turn.

This could not be my fate. I would not let this be my fate. If I prevented this happening, Edward would feel no guilt or worry about our relationship, about my safety. I had heart stoppingly painful memories of last September whirring round my head. The hole, the fracture he had left last time was throbbing; it would not take much for it to break apart once again. I cursed my own fragility, my humanity with every ounce of anger in my body, as though my childishly thrown words and violent oaths could change that. Words were my only weapon, which was why I was so breakable next to anyone. I concentrated on keeping my heart whole, not realising I had tightened my grip on his hand in my effort, as I prepared myself for the words I knew inevitability and fate would force him to say.

"It's already begun Bella. I'd be too late."

The helpless look on his incredible face was devastating; he shouldn't have been able to look so perfect and so upset in the same moment. His expression was mirrored on each of his family members and the realisation was crushing. They could cover hundreds of miles of ground in minutes, and stop speeding vans with just their hands, but Clara was beyond any of their abilities.

I looked at Edward, who was physically as close to me as ever, but something had changed. His eyes were still locked with mine, trying to gauge my hidden thoughts, but the light in them had been dimmed. He was detaching, ever so slowly. That word filled my head with images of space shuttles after take off, rocket boosters and rust coloured tanks separating from the shuttle and drifting back to earth, to be rescued. I knew, that despite Edward being the one pulling away from me, I would be the one who would plummet back to Earth at a mind shattering speed. And he would continue on his endless orbit, gracefully circling the planet for eternity. But I could not be rescued again.

Ignoring all his stupid promises with their stupid loopholes and get-out clauses he had already begun to pull away from me. I clung to him even tighter, forbidding him to leave silently as the panic swelled within me and tears slid down my cheeks from the pain. The fissure in my heart had deepened.


	3. Bad Dream

**Thankyou so much to LuckyIrish20, Charm-your-way-out, and Stephanie. You are my own personal brand of heroin. Like Edward for Bella, I am a smackhead for you and your kind words. :) I wasn't going to add this till tomorrow, but I sat at my desk and thought 'oooh I'll just have a wee look at it and then go and read that book for my lecture tomorrow.' And then, a whole day later I'm adding this and the book lies untouched. Oh dear. A review would help me get over the pain I feel for this situation. :)**

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The silent tears had unfortunately not remained so. Edward had swiftly taken up to his room for a little privacy while my grief encompassed me fully. I had never cried like this in front of Edward before. I was only doing so now because I knew I wouldn't be able to go through him leaving again. I had only just got him back. I sounded like a spoilt child, but I couldn't stop myself. He _could not _leave me again. Even the thought of it brought a fresh wave of debilitating panic crashing over me, and forcing every drop of moisture out of my body through my eyes. I was curled on the black leather couch, over heating so much that my skin was sticking to it. Edward pulled me onto him as much as he could, and so I lay on his chest, snivelling into his shirt after the deluge had passed. No substantial words were exchanged, only minor attempts to soothe my aching heart. We had lain, entwined but silent, until it was time for me to go home.

**

Carlisle's immediate response was to go and retrieve the missing Cullen, whether they were able to stop this fate from unfolding or not; Clara needed all of us now. My unexplained connection to Clara had made me think of myself as one of the family. I hadn't their speed, strength or beauty but I had one thing they all lacked. I was human. It was the only conceivable link between me and Clara that could make me feel so drawn to her. That, and the whole magnet for trouble thing. She couldn't talk to Edward about this, even though it was clear he was the best person to talk to, because he had seen what he believed to be our future in Alice's vision. So it had to be me; close enough to Edward to understand, and the same species as Will, so I could forgive. I was the bridge between these two beings, humans and vampires. I straddled the border, neither fully one nor the other currently. So it made perfect sense that it was me she had to be near.

Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper were preparing to leave as Edward took me down to the Volvo take me to Charlie's, and were not expected to return for a few days. Edward was not accompanying them, after an obstinate argument, on his part, with Carlisle.

"I'm not leaving Bella." He had stated, in response to a question he had plucked from Carlisle's thoughts, a moment after he had strapped me into the passenger seat.

"I'll talk to Clara when you get back here."

Carlisle sighed. "What if she won't come back with us?"

Edward barely looked at Carlisle when he responded. "I can hardly make her can I?"

"Edward, you know that isn't true. This is Clara we're talking about."

"Yes, and its Bella who needs to be protected from her." Edward shot back. "Call me if you need to, but I am not letting Bella out of my sight until we know what state Clara is in. Tell her I will talk to her when she comes home."

Carlisle sighed at his pigheaded son, and admitted defeat.

Our protracted journey was silent. The only thing Edward said to me was as I was about to get out of the car.

"I won't be long."

As he said it, he held my gaze, and gently touched my cheek. It was all I could do not to burst into tears again right then and there.

Up in my room after he had left I lay down on my bed dejectedly and waited for him to return. I wasn't entirely sure if he would come back to me, despite what he had told his father. I counted the minutes until 5 had passed, and closed my eyes for a few moments.

**

_The room was dark but I could see this was not a room I recognised. Small, cramped, the walls so close I felt they were closing in around me. An unfamiliar feeling of fear crept over me, the claustrophobia of the place leaking into my body._

_Heavy curtains hung at the only window, denying any natural light admittance to banish the darkness. I looked around me, my eyes barely able to discern anything in the room. With my sight diminished, every other sense in my body prickled. I heard a low fearful growl that was so familiar I didn't need my eyes to tell me that Edward was here with me. I opened my mouth to call his name and reassure him, but my voice was not going to come. I suddenly realised that Edward's presence was not diffusing my anxiety and my throat was plugged with a new, more intense fear. I squinted into the blackness that coated my new environment, desperately trying to see anything._

_As though he had heard my silent plea, the curtains were slashed apart, midday sunlight burning into the room. My eyes closed reflexively against the concentration of light. When they opened again I saw Edward stood by the window, his hands the only thing he could look at. His skin, revealed in the sunlight, sparkled beautifully, even though he was immobile. I felt myself gasp, but knew I was still incapable of making any sound. I couldn't take my eyes from him. The sunlight spilled around him, framing him in rays, making him look even more like an angel with the unnatural shine of his skin. His eyes flicked away from his hands, and this time, my gasp was not one of awe, but shock. _

_The golden tone of his eyes had been consumed by a deep, angry crimson, giving his face a sinister and ugly look. I followed his blood red irises as they scanned the room, evaluating every surface they met. Never did he look at me, or at the floor. My curiosity outweighed my fear, and pulled my eyes from his and trained them at his feet. A body. Limbs twisted- obviously broken- around it, in a demonic remake of the image Edward had cast seconds before against the sun. Long dark hair fanned out at the head, revealing porcelain white skin. The neck, deliberately exposed, held a bite mark, and a fine rivulet of blood was running over the whitest skin, marring it. The recognition was biting. I took in the body before me, and steeled myself as I ran my eyes over the face._

_My own eyes stared back at me, vacant, empty, dead. It looked like me, but it can't have been me. I continued to stare for what felt like hours before I could bring myself to look at Edward, who had not moved. The only thing to give him away was a bead of my blood on the tip of his long white finger. There was a mistake, Edward thought he had killed me, but how could he when I was stood in front of him, mere feet away. The pain on his face broke my heart, and the cry that escaped his lips was too much to bear. My legs were lead, I wanted to run to him, to show him that I was breathing, alive, but I couldn't. I could feel sobs that I wouldn't be allowed to cry jerking my ribcage. I called out to him, again and again, Edward! Edward! But no sound was ever to pass my lips. _

_He finally looked down at the body that was not mine and anger rose irrepressibly in my heart. How could he think that was me? How could he mistake that person for me? I was screaming pointlessly, desperate for him to see I was okay, that this was over, when he pulled a lighter out of his pocket. My breathing stopped, my heart faltered, my lungs gave up on me and I stopped trying to call. He stood over the body, one foot on either side, raised his angelic face to the heavens. With a move faster than I could see he had lit one corner of his shirt. The flames licked up his glorious figure faster than I thought possible. As they spread to the corpse on the floor I felt my own skin burning with them. The feeling of my skin burning on my bones was excruciating. I writhed in agony, vocalising everything in a series of sharp, loud cries that didn't leave my mouth. My skin was blistering and the stench filled my lungs as I panted frantically, trying to do anything to lessen it. Nothing altered. I remained as a statue, while inside I was choking, burning, dying. Still unable to move or speak I threw all my efforts into breaking through this suffocating bubble of paralysis. My chest was heaving from the exertion and pain of screaming wordlessly his name over and over and over again as the burning threatened to take over my body._

_EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD _

I was woken by my own voice.

My final half formed cry of his name ghosted into nothing from my lips. I opened my eyes with a gasp and for a second as my eyes adjusted to the darkness I feared I was still within my dark nightmare. My senses slowly crept back to me, filling the spaces left as sleep leaked from my body. I heard Charlie's rhythmic snoring from the next room. I saw the familiar outline of my desk and chair, and used this image to attempt to still my charging heart. I felt the wetness on my face, and realised that although I couldn't speak in my dream, I was probably vocalising outside of it. Relief flooded me, as the snores punctuated the silence, Charlie had not been woken up by the nightmare. If he had, and come to investigate, Edward would have to hide. Edward. I froze, and in the second that I contemplated his whereabouts, I felt his cool arms were around me and had been the entire night. I sat up reluctantly, thinking he would have to let go of me, but he didn't.

"Bella?" He spoke softly, his voice a welcome antidote to the pain of my dream.

I looked at him silently. His eyes searched mine desperately, full of worry. "Are you okay?"

I nodded weakly, "You're here." I croaked, wiping my face and realising the rest of my body was covered in a film of cold sweat. "It was just a dream."

He faltered. "You were screaming out for me. I've never heard you like that. I was sure Charlie would wake up."

I looked away from him, knowing that what I was about to say to him would hurt him but I still couldn't watch it. "He's used to it."

He tensed, but I clung to him even tighter, not willing to let one millimetre be between us after the dream. Edward placed a light kiss against my head.

"When did you get here?" I asked, realising that I didn't recall him arriving. I looked down, and noticed I was still wearing my clothes rather than my pjs.

"About 10 minutes after I left. You were already sleeping. I tucked you in, but I didn't climb in next to you until you started calling out."

"What was I saying?" I asked, with a worry that he would be able to guess the nature of my dream.

"You were calling out my name, over and over. And then you kept screaming 'its not me'."

I shivered involuntarily. Automatically Edward shifted, so his skin wasn't on mine.

"No," I whimpered pathetically, grabbing a handful of his soaked shirt.

"Bella, you're going to get sick. You're soaked and I'm so cold that you'll get a chill." He said, pleadingly. I was half expecting him to flash me that dazzling smile, but I knew he wouldn't when I was so fragile in his arms.

I shook my head. "I'll change. Please, I just don't want you to let me go."

He caught the oh-so-hidden double meaning to my words, and moved away slightly so he could look at me fully. He held my head with one hand and the fingers of the other clutched my hand gently.

"Bella, I am not going anywhere, I swear to you, I will never leave your side until you want me to."

I nodded, still shaking. "You promise?" I asked, childishly.

His gaze was penetrating. "Yes." His thumb was delicately rubbing my cheekbone. I wanted to nuzzle my head into his hand like a kitten, but his eyes held me in a spell. "Bella, I love you."

I couldn't stop myself. Not that I am attempting to excuse my actions. The dream had left me weak, and the only thing I had to make the fear leave me was Edward. His eyes on mine, holding me the way he was, coupled with the exact words I needed to hear at that moment did away with my restraint instantaneously. My lips were on his in seconds, my hands lost in his hair. He gathered me to his chest and held me securely, allowing my emotions to take this turn, probably relieved that I wasn't screaming the town down any more. The kiss, despite being frantic, was controlled. This filled me with comfort; if he had kissed me too hard I would have feared he was leaving me. I breathed in deeply, taking every bit of his smell that I could and pulled away. He surveyed me carefully, checking I was still in one piece before he smiled.

"I'll go and change." I grinned softly, climbing off the bed and grabbing the pyjamas I should have been wearing.

As silently and quickly as I could manage, I went to the bathroom to change. Returning to my room, Edward was nowhere in sight. Rationality was screaming at me, trying to convince me that he was just hiding in case Charlie heard me creaking about the house. Unfortunately, irrationality had a far more persuasive tone and I found myself halfway to believing that he had gone. My heart rate quickened and once I closed the door behind me he appeared at my side, placing his hand over my chest.

I wasn't quick enough to mask the calm that flooded me upon seeing him.

"You thought I had gone." He stated softly, in a tone that had not a hint of accusation.

I gave a shamed nod, and opened my mouth to explain myself.

"No, Bella. I don't blame you, after last year, and then Clara turning up. I haven't dealt with those things very well so I can understand you would think that of me."

He led us to the bed and pulled me onto his knee. My arms snaked around his neck and locked at the nape, a poor physical manifestation of my emotional state. "So you were pulling away from me at your house earlier?" I asked in a small voice, not sure if I wanted the answer.

Thankfully, he shook his head. "Well, I was, but only because I was certain that I would break something if I didn't stop myself from holding you as tightly as I wanted to." He sighed, and I was momentarily lost in his smell. "I will protect you from her, and that side of me, for the rest of my life."

I rested my head against his chest, and absorbed the silence. His fingers ran up and down my spine slowly, and just as I was willing to consider sleeping again, he asked me another question.

"Will you tell me what the dream was?" He said, pulling back slightly so he could look at my face. "you don't have to if it will upset you."

In the face of his glaring honesty, it would be an insult not to grant him the same courtesy. And maybe if I told him about the dream, I wouldn't have it again. Work out the kinks in my mind before they became recurrent creases. But for some reason I couldn't bring myself to immerse myself in the nightmare again. It was too real, and hurt too much for me to let myself enter it consciously.

"I,…I can't." I admitted in a whisper.

Edward kissed my forehead. "It's okay. It's better that you don't think about just before you go back to sleep."

"Will you stay?" I asked, feeling like an idiot because I couldn't hold myself back from saying it.

He kissed me on the lips for a moment, before standing up and lying me in the bed. He curled himself around me on top of the covers. "For the rest of my days." He whispered, pressing the tip of his nose into my neck.

Sleep came over me without me noticing, and my dreams were harmless; Edward and I in our meadow. It was only the next day that I remembered with a jolt that in the meadow, Edward's eyes were crimson.


	4. History

**Immense, epic and endless thank-yous to Book2romantic and Black Mary Janes for letting me pick their brains.**

**No one gets set on fire in this one….*nervous laughter* I changed my playlist and the angst left me long enough to write this.**

**Thankyou also for my reviews. You are all so so amazing for letting me know you like this. I'm so glad that you do! :D**

**And also, so I don't get sued- Not mine, not mine, not-not mine, not-not mine.**

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Alice, Edward and I carried on as normal with our routine. We went to school, I went home, did my homework, cooked dinner, and went to sleep, as normal, but Edward barely left my side. As much as this was heaven for me, his eyes darkened daily, and the purple blemishes under his eyes coloured. On the third day at lunch I managed to convince him to hunt.

The conversation between us and Alice had briefly turned to Clara, and the anger that filled his fathomless black eyes was enough to prompt an emotion in me that I swore I never felt around Edward. I felt a flicker of fear deep within, for Clara's safety, rather than my own. If Edward had not hunted he would be even more irritable at Clara's return. Images of him killing his own sister if she attempted to attack me filled my head and I flinched. Both Edward and Alice registered it. He looked at me, a sad shock overwhelming his features and held my hand tenderly.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. "I'll go after school."

I smiled at him, unnerved by the strange sensation he had inflicted.

"I'll come home with you Bella," Alice said. "until Edward gets back."

"Have you seen something?" I asked, suddenly feeling anxious again at the prospect of Clara's return.

Alice gave me a wide smile. "Only that he won't go and hunt if one of us isn't with you."

I return the smile, if not a smaller version. "Be careful." I told Edward, worry gripping my insides like a claw.

He smiled at me, "You always worry about the wrong things."

So Alice took me home, and I was ready and willing to abuse this twist of fate that left me with Edward's future reading sister. She grinned over at me, barely able to contain her excitement as I settled on my decision, and the consequences of it played out in her mind.

"Bella Swan, I didn't know you had it in you to be so underhanded!" She giggled.

"It's not underhand at all Alice. I'm just turning a situation that wouldn't be very pleasant into one that may be slightly more bearable." I replied, keeping my face as innocent as I could manage.

She smirked. "You know, Edward forbade me from talking about Clara." She paused giving a small conspiratorial chuckle. "But if you ask me, then it would be rude of me not to answer."

I grinned, her silly mood was infectious. "Especially if we are talking about a completely fictional vampire called…"

"Maureen."

The snort that escaped from my nose was unintentional, but enough to ensure we laughed all the way back to Charlie's.

**

After Alice had watched me and Charlie eat dinner, my bedroom door was safely closed, and Charlie was safely engrossed in the game on the TV, Alice settled herself cross legged at the end of my bed.

"So," She asked, her smile rematerialising "what do you want to know about 'Maureen'?"

I leant against the headboard and tucked my feet under me, choosing my first question wisely. I didn't want to go behind Edward's back to get information, but considering her hadn't directly told me not to ask about Clara, I wasn't technically doing anything wrong. And Alice couldn't get in trouble because he had only told her not to tell me about Clara, and we were talking about 'Maureen'.

Alice sensed some measure of my reluctance. "It'll be fine with Edward, I'll just make sure I'm concentrating very hard on something he would rather not delve into. He's such a prude so I'm sure something between me and Jasper will do just fine, without arousing any of his suspicions."

A knowing smile spread across her face, and I could only imagine that she had chosen the memory already.

Satisfied that I wasn't going to hurt Edward with my questionable methods of gaining information, I dived in head first. "Okay, so, how does she fit into the Cullen family, when did you meet? Was she already a vampire or did Carlisle change her?"

"Wow, cram it all in one question Bella," Alice teased, with a laugh. "No, Clara wasn't a vampire when we met, Carlisle changed her eventually, but we knew her for a long time as a human. Clara became part of the family about a week after she was born."

My mouth must have fallen open. This I was not expecting. A freak accident outside their house with Clara wearing a t shirt saying 'Carlisle, please bite me' was the most extreme of my imaginings of Clara's welcome into the family. But Clara being part of the family when she was _human_, this made everything that happened three days ago make a little more sense.

"She wasn't bitten until she was 18, and it's not like we regularly invited families round for afternoon tea, but Clara was different. Carlisle delivered her."

My brow creased. "You mean, like, _delivered_, delivered?"

Her eyes twinkled. "Well, he didn't leave her on their doorstep in a basket. You know what Carlisle's like; he always wants to learn things. So when Faulkner called at the house in the dead of night saying his wife was in labour, Carlisle was only too happy to help."

I chuckled. "Wow, I just never thought that…" I trailed off pathetically, but on thinking about it, it seemed so Carlisle to take this opportunity to get hands on experience in something he had read about.

"I guess it's credit to us how we _still_ manage to shock you."

I laughed. "Only very rarely."

Alice paused for a moment, until we heard Charlie's voice, roaring at the TV. She gave a satisfied nod. "Carlisle realised something wasn't quite right with Faulkner, it turned out he had a dangerous heart condition. Her mother wasn't well either, kept being sent to a hospital out of state, to receive electric shock treatment. Carlisle, as the closest thing to a friend the family had, offered to take Clara in while her mother and father were receiving treatment. She was still very young at the time, but it became the normal thing; Clara and the Cullen's." Alice gave a sad smile at the title. "We gave her a birthday party every year, which was just an excuse to spoil her rotten. We smothered her in love. It wasn't to make up for her difficult home life, but she was so,…_alive_, she awoke something in all of us that made us feel very attached to her. Even Jasper, he said she provided him with such a blissful environment that it was pointless for him to try and avoid her. When she was six, her father died, which was awful for Clara. This prompted her mother to need more treatment and Clara spent most of her time at the house with us."

"Poor Clara." I sighed, only able to imagine her childhood.

"I know." Alice said softly. "She was really affected by it all, and stuck to Carlisle like he was going to disappear if she took her eyes off him for one moment. But he didn't. The years passed, and we attempted to make up for Faulkner's death by loving Clara even more. She had a ready made surrogate family with us. Esme and Rosalie loved her especially. Nothing made them happier than Clara running through the house to show them the picture she had drawn of Carlisle. When she was 10, everything changed. I had a vision of Clara as a vampire, which was to be the outcome of Clara constantly being with us. Obviously she didn't know what she was choosing; she was just choosing to live with us than without. I told Carlisle, who was not happy." Alice exhaled heavily.

"Why wasn't he happy? Didn't he love Clara?" I demanded.

"Of course, he loved her like a daughter, and having watched her grow from birth he was so close to her. And, Clara viewed him as a second father. Bella, you have to remember, we had never had a human get so close to us before, and we all just wanted to pretend we were only having a positive effect on her life. When you saw Clara, Esme and Carlisle together, they just looked like a regular family. But at the same time, we couldn't stay in contact with her forever without letting her know what we were, and Carlisle would never condemn her when she had her whole life to live. Her questions were becoming more awkward to deflect, her curiosity and thirst for knowledge were going to prove difficult to handle. On top of this, we had been Spencer, West Virginia for 10 years. It was getting to a point where we would have to move on, but none of us wanted to face this reality, so we ignored it."

"Did you leave?"

Alice nodded. "And we had to do it in the worst possible way. It was as if we were being punished for not facing up to our responsibility to Clara, or to ourselves. We could have planned it, and broken it all to her, but we didn't. Emmett lost control one night, and killed a young woman from the town. So we were gone by dawn. The only thing Carlisle could do for Clara was leave the town humming with gossip about where we had suddenly relocated to; Alaska.

She wrote weekly to Carlisle at the hospital, and he brought home the letters but never replied, because he wanted her to let go of us. And then the post stopped just after her 16th birthday. Carlisle tried to tell himself that she had grown out of us, but we all knew there was another reason. Dorothy had become so ill that Clara couldn't care for her. She had to be admitted to hospital and 6 months later she died, I saw it."

"But, what happened to Clara?"

"She moved in with her father's elderly family, and then went to New York to go to college. I kept a close eye on her future."

"So how was she changed?"

"She came to Alaska when she was 19 and followed Carlisle home from the hospital. She was so upset with all of us, and confused because we looked the same as we had 8 years before. We looked the same as we had for her entire life. Clara was heartbroken by her mother's death, but her feeling abandoned by Carlisle was even worse. She let us know how much she had been hurt by our departure, and how much she was still hurt by it. The fact that we couldn't trust her enough to tell her our secret seemed to her as though we had never loved her, which of course wasn't true. She cried and screamed and told us everything we deserved to hear because it was all true. And amidst her hysteria, Carlisle heard a sound that almost floored him. Underneath her voice, her clothes, and her skin, her heart beat with the same abnormal rhythm of her father. The second Carlisle realised what it meant, we all heard it. If her death warrant had a theme song, that rhythm would have been it. He examined her, and explained that she had an option alternative to death; she could be one of our family."

"Was it an easy choice for her?" I asked, wishing that Clara's circumstances and my own would match up, so she wouldn't judge me for 'wasting my humanity'.

To my dismay Alice shook her head. "She couldn't understand why we hadn't saved her parents if it was within our power. And our behaviour over the last 8 years hadn't been much to recommend us as a family she wanted to spend eternity with. Her main issue was losing her memories, so Edward spent two weeks documenting everything she wanted to remember with her. The albums they made are beautiful. If Edward ever lets you near Clara, you should ask her to show you them."

I smiled, certainly willing to try. "So Carlisle bit her?"

She nodded. "Yep."

"Wow." I breathed, going over what I had just been said. "Poor Clara. What was she like as a newborn?"

Alice waited for a moment. "Clara was,… interesting."

I paused, giving her plenty of time to elaborate, which she didn't. "In what way? You can't just say that and leave it there."

Alice paused, unnaturally still, and the serious expression that took over her face made me attempt to copy her. We heard a clear knock at the front door, and shortly after Charlie got up to answer it.

I frowned for half a second, before Charlie let me know who was at the door.

"Edward." I heard his unnecessarily stern voice from the door.

"Good evening Chief Swan." Edward returned courteously.

I had thrown myself out of the room and down the stairs, praying I didn't break my neck at such a speed, to stop any overtly fatherly displays from Charlie. I stumbled against the banister on the last one, but Alice, who had practically floated down after me, took my arm to keep me upright.

"Easy Bells." Charlie chuckled, "those stairs have never been your friend, no need to provoke them." He was obviously amused at his poor joke at the expense of my clumsiness.

I managed to fake a small smile. Alice and Edward were far better at laughing along with Charlie, and I scowled at them both, aware they were laughing too hard for it to be fake.

"Well then, I'll be off, seeing as I have provided the entertainment." I said, folding my arms and getting ready to climb the stairs again. Alice was refusing to let go of my arm to let me escape.

"Its okay Bella, Edward and I should be getting home now." Alice smiled. "Thank you for having me over Chief Swan."

Charlie grinned. "No need to thank me Alice."

She let go after giving me a light hug, and danced out of the open door. Edward, who was staring intently at his sister looked away quickly as she passed him. He faltered for a second, before locking eyes with me.

"I'll see you at school Bella." He said quickly, before ducking out of the house and treading the path the Alice had before him.

In my room after I heard the Volvo drive away I knew I would have to work hard at resisting him. I had almost convinced myself he wouldn't be able to dazzle the information he knew Alice was keeping from him out of me. Almost. He climbed through my bedroom window later than I expected – Alice must not have broken. Without a word he crossed the room to me, took me in his arms and kissed me. Just as I was about to become dangerously wrapped up in it, he pulled away from me unexpectedly. My lips kissed air and I opened my eyes to find them locked with Edward's. The resolve I had so carefully built crumbled in a second.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" He purred into my ear.

My mind was swimming, with so many things I wanted to tell him, all of them highly inappropriate. "Maureen." I burbled.

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**A/N: Random fact, I decided on Clara's name during a lecture on Mary Shelley's **_**Frankenstein**_** (A picture of Elsa Lancaster who was in **_**The Bride of Frankenstein**_** reminded me of Clara Bow). And then I found out tonight that Shelley was pregnant while she wrote **_**Frankenstein**_** and named the baby Clara. How odd.**


	5. Homecoming

**So here I go again. I don't like this one. But someone who may or may not kill Bella is in the next chapter! Yay!**

**If you review me, I can turn off the Grey's Anatomy. Don't do it for me, do it for my cringing reflex, there's a woman with a fork in her neck *shudder***

**Stephanie, and Black Mary Janes – thank you for making me giggle like a child at Christmas, I get so excited at reviews. :)**

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"Maureen?" He repeated, looking at me with a cynical raised eyebrow and unable to keep the laugh from his voice.

I swallowed loudly. "Yes. Maureen." I clarified, forcing myself to find a single atom of strength to resist his dazzling ways. Knowing it was fruitless I tried to manoeuvre out of his arms in an attempt to let this end in my favour.

"Interesting." He teased, locking his arms around me tighter, so I couldn't even squirm. "I'm going to assume that Maureen is the reason Alice is concentrating very hard on remembering some very explicit encounters between herself and Jasper." He paused, flicking his eyes over my face to gauge my response. "I'm also going to assume that Maureen is not a nickname for Jasper. And therefore, that Alice was trying very hard to hide something from me."

A non committal hum was the only sound I dared to make.

"I'm going to take that as a yes." Edward grinned at me.

My intended shrug came off as a shudder, and my nonchalant tone broke immediately. "Take it any way you want." I mumbled.

He chuckled, his breath washing over me. I felt my knees buckle and prayed that he didn't notice.

Suddenly, inspiration from above showed me the silver lining. He was going to find out, we both knew I was awful at lying, so why not get something to sweeten the deal. Especially considering he wouldn't be open any form of affectionate behaviour after he knew what Alice had told me.

"I'll tell you all about Maureen," I said, forcing my voice to remain even. "if I get something in return."

His eyebrow rose again. "That depends on what you want." He said, looking at me intently.

"It's nothing that you will deny me." I promised, a smile playing on my lips. "A kiss." I added simply.

"One kiss?" He asked, genuinely confused.

I nodded. "That's all."

He smiled widely. "Very well Miss Swan." He whispered, loosening his hold on me.

I took a step away from him, but his arm was back around my waist before I could step further. His hand pressed into the small of my back, holding me against his body. My heart was racing at an embarrassing speed, and my breath hitched in my throat. His other hand was stroking my hair back from my face as he leant slowly towards me. His lips pressed against mine ever so softly, before he pulled away. A light whimper passed my lips and I felt his breath over my face as he chuckled gently. My hands were resting on his chest, but as his lips met mine for a second time and stayed there longer, they slid up his neck and curled tightly into his hair as a reflex. I let him lead for as long as I could resist, but when his fingers rested on the nape of my neck it was too much. Another whimper passed my lips to his and my fingers tightened in his hair. I felt him smile against me and hold me closer. The need I felt for him was communicated as I pressed against him even harder, my lips parted and my tongue ran slowly over his lip. His response was subtle, and slow, but it was there. His mouth opened ever so slightly, and took my bottom lip gently between his, and drew it into his mouth. I shuddered as he teased it with his teeth, before giving it back to me. Slowly, he pulled away from me, and kissed the tip of my nose. I struggled to breathe normally. He grinned at me.

"I believe that was two kisses." He said, very pleased with my reaction.

He sat me on the edge of the bed and waited patiently for me to find words to express myself.

"I'm withholding more information from you in future." I said weakly.

He chuckled, and kissed the side of my head. "I quite enjoyed it too."

Slowly my heart rate and breathing evened out. Edward didn't look away from me. As soon as my body calmed down, the realisation of my promise hit me, and my heart rate sped up again. Hearing this, Edward decided it was my turn to make good on my word.

"So, Maureen?" He asked.

I was shaking. This was going to upset him, I knew that. And I had known that when I made the promise. Instantly I was disgusted at myself. I agreed to hurt the man that I love for one stupid kiss. No, for one _incredible_ kiss. Yet it all boiled down to my hormones being the cause of his pain. Sometimes I am so very human that I hated myself for it. Maybe Will had just wanted one kiss, but it was one kiss too much for Clara, and I couldn't even bear to focus on how that had ended. I shut my eyes, to rid myself of these images, but all I succeeded in was shutting them inside me.

"I know you don't want me to know about Clara." I whispered, into the atmosphere that was now loaded.

I heard him frowning. I heard the muscles tightening out of the smile, and his breathing deepening. I could feel the disappointment radiating onto me from his cold skin.

"Maureen is Clara." He stated.

"Yes." I breathed.

"So, you know all about Clara?"

I shook my head, daring myself to meet his intense gaze. "I know some of her life, up to the point she became a Cullen."

His eyes closed and his hands clenched into fists.

"Don't blame Alice." I said, finding my voice. "Don't be angry at her."

"You didn't trick her into telling you. She ignored what I asked of her. One thing that I asked her not to do, she did." He sounded defeated, and my heart broke.

"Why?" I asked, shifting closer to him. "Why do you want to keep Clara away from me?"

He opened his eyes, and paused as he looked at me. "I don't want you to be worried about her. I don't want you to feel a connection with her." His words stopped coming mid flow, and he searched my eyes. "I don't want her to kill you."

My head was shaking, but as I opened my mouth he cut me off. "I won't let her touch you. In any way." His voice was steeled, and I knew I would be unable to change this decision.

"Edward, she-"

My hand was covered by his icy fingers. "Bella, I made a foolish decision in September, but it was _my_ idiotic choice to leave you. I won't have _her_ take you away from me. Nothing will take you away from me apart from your word."

I gripped his hand tightly. "Then nothing will ever take you away from me." I said forcefully. "I am not letting your baby sister separate us. But she needs us, me included."

He growled under his breath.

"No, Edward. I am serious. I have just got you all back. But you are not turning your back on Clara, and I won't let her drive a wedge anywhere in this family." My eyes were screaming out for me to blink, but I let them burn as I hoped they were burning into Edward.

He gave a grunt. I was willing to interpret it as a maybe. It was as close as I could get to winning at this point. Despite his words, expressing his strong emotions for me, I again was recalling space shuttles, and detachment. The tension was sickening, I could barely breathe. As it was about to engulf me and have me crying like a baby again, Edward stood up.

"Alice is on her way, in the car."

Panic set in. It meant Clara was home, or would be shortly. I had wanted time to create a cunning plan in how to make Edward loosen the choke hold regarding letting me meet Clara. And meeting Clara; I wanted time to prepare, mentally. _Another_ Cullen for me to have to prove myself as an adequate partner for their brother took a lot of preparation. I wanted to not wash for a week so that I didn't smell anything edible. I probably should have been living in La Push with Jacob to deal with that minor issue. It would certainly make Charlie marginally happier to believe that I was cheating on Edward with Jacob. Although I doubt that Edward would go for it and Edward was my main concern. Edward, not Clara, his emotional and currently, bloodthirsty sister. So I threw worries about plans, and plans of plans to the wind, and placed my trust entirely in the man I loved, who would protect me from anything. Clara was secondary to him, for now.

"She's going to ask Charlie if you can stay over at ours."

My heart soared out of my body at the thought of staying at Edward's, until I remembered why they wanted me to stay there; so that Clara knew what to expect immediately. Edward had talked about Carlisle thinking it was best if I was in the house when she returned, so that _if_ anything should happen, there would be plenty of them to deal with it. The wording had made me uncomfortable. Obviously '_anything_' meant _'if she tries to eat you'_, and _'deal with it'_ meant '_fight_'. Carlisle also had an unfounded fear that Clara might turn to some form of tracking obsession after the incident with Will. If I was in the house, she wouldn't have to look for me, and the Cullen's wouldn't have to rip their sister into bits and throw her onto a bonfire…always a bonus.

Edward suddenly leant down and kissed my gently. "I have to go, I will meet you at the house. Alice will tell Charlie I'm not at home this evening, go with it."

I nodded, and kissed his cheek. "I love you." I said, feeling fear rise up in me at the prospect of Edward fighting Clara over me.

Edward smiled and stroked my cheek softly. "I love you. I'll be behind Alice all the way home."

He saw me nod, and then was gone, and I was stood alone in my room. Even faster than I was expecting, I heard knocking at the door. I walked to the top of the stairs to the sound of Alice convincing Charlie.

"I know I was here earlier, but I'm really struggling with my history project. I know Bella has already finished hers, so I was wondering if she could come over to our house to give me a hand. I usually ask Edward, he's so intelligent, but all the boys have gone on a last minute camping trip. Esme suggested that Bella stay over, and she can come to school with Rose and me tomorrow."

She was very smooth talking; I had to give her that. I decided to help her out.

"I've got no other homework Charlie." I said, as I walked down the stairs, as casually as I could fake.

He turned, and I could see he was about to cave, when Alice gave him a miniscule amount of her full dazzling abilities.

"And me and Bella haven't had enough real girl time since we got back in town." She said, with a smile.

Charlie blushed. "Well, if you've done all your homework kid, I don't see why Alice's grades should suffer because it's a school night. Will you need a ride?"

Alice shook her head, "No, I've got the car." She hugged a surprised Charlie lightly. "Thank you so much Charlie, Carlisle and Esme would be so upset if I failed history."

"Well, we can't have that can we?" He chuckled.

I turned and climbed back up the stairs to get what I would need. I was half tempted to pack a wooden stake and a few cloves of garlic, just for superstition, but felt Edward would think I wasn't taking Clara seriously. I settled on jammies, toiletries and clothes for the next day. I hauled a few history books in my arms too, just to be realistic for Alice's sake.

We were in the Volvo less than 15 minutes after Edward had left. Alice constantly reassured me he was behind us the whole way.

"I'm sure even without my help, you couldn't fail history if you tried." I smirked as we pulled out of the drive.

Alice grinned back at me. "But Charlie doesn't know that. Now, to him, you are so incredible at History you have to tutor a Cullen."

"Is she there?" I asked, after the silence had destroyed our previous mirth.

Alice shook her head. "Carlisle called, and asked me to get you to the house. He doesn't want to take chances. They will be here soon."

I couldn't speak again until we were at the house, until I was in Edward's arms. He met us in the garage and held me wordlessly.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled into his chest. "for upsetting you, and asking Alice to tell me about Clara."

He shook his head. "I just don't want you to be complacent around her. Hearing her story doesn't really add much weight to the fearful vampiric image I want you to have of her. I was going to let Carlisle tell you later on."

"Sorry." I said again.

He just chuckled lowly and led me into the house. Rosalie and Esme were waiting in the front room for us. Edward didn't even look at Alice when Esme hugged me, and Rosalie offered me a smile in greeting.

"Her bark is worse than her bite." Rosalie said as I perched awkwardly on the edge of the sofa; my nerves were impossible to conceal.

Esme nodded enthusiastically. "This is all a precaution Bella. Clara is very controlled."

"Okay." I said, my voice sounded small inside my head. Edward was suddenly at my side on the sofa, his arms around me protectively. We sat for a few moments in silence before his grip tightened. A few minutes later I heard the sound that they had detected long before me; car tyres on the gravel of the driveway. Clara was home.

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**yea, it sucked. I'm sorry about that. Let me know if you agree. :)**


	6. Clara

**Oh noooo! After a light hearted one shot, the angst came rushing back to me. This chapter is the reason I started this story so I hope the creative roll I'm on right now doesn't peter out after I've posted this. **

**Happy thoughts to Black Mary Janes, and Uknoulovemextay, and Stephanie. You keep me typing, honestly, thankyou :) **

**I have to be grateful for the glitch, it may have been the most frustrating few days of my life but otherwise I would have posted this on Sunday and never written my essay for Monday. Fate is working well for me this week. However, my inbox is outflowing with story alerts...the floodgates have opened.**

**Last thing: I had a nap today, and had the scariest dream of my life that my house was haunted by a Vampire Hoover. It sounds funny, but i woke up sweating. I had to wake myself up, i was so scared. It was a she, and her face was in teatowels and puddles all round my house. And she was trying to kill me. And i had a cold so no one could understand me when I was trying to explain! Arrrrgh!! The crazy irrational fear!! I'll never vaccuum again! Anyway, that wasn't to do with anything, i just thought I'd share....**

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I stood up, instinctively, knowing that I would want to run. Edward rose beside me, not letting me go. Esme and Rosalie placed themselves in front of Edward, but my view of the door was not blocked. I would see her as soon as she came into the house. Alice was suddenly on my other side, which only made me more nervous of this encounter; she had probably seen a very nasty outcome from Clara's first meeting with my very human self. Edward growled lowly as he evidently shared what Alice saw.

"It might not happen." She said to him, before adding, "Its changing."

Edward's growl grew in volume and ferocity, "Yea, its getting worse. Don't show me Alice, I don't want to see."

He held a protective arm around me and pulled me into his side. The coolness of his skin helped lower my quickly rising temperature, and he looked down, placing one finger beneath my chin. "Nothing is going to happen."

I nodded quickly, and tried to calm down as Edward kissed me softly on the forehead.

The second the door opened, the atmosphere was charged. Edward dropped in do a defensive stance in front of me, the growl in his throat now constant. Esme and Rosalie adopted the same position, muscles tensed in readiness to react to the slightest instinct. No one was taking any risks with me, or Clara.

_Th-Thump_

Each magnified heart beat pushed more blood round my body. Each exhale filled the room with just a little more of my scent.

_Th-Thump_

The door opened, at human speed, and Carlisle's forcibly slow steps matched my pulse. He gave me an encouraging smile, but as his eyes met Edwards, it faltered. Edward tensed even more, if that was possible, and pulled me further behind his body, safely downwind of the vampire outside the door.

_Th-Thump_

Emmett came next into the house, and gave me a fraction of his usual grin. Just as I was managing to compose myself, Emmett missing his usual wide smile let the fear wash over me. If Emmett thought it was bad…I closed my eyes for a moment, and when I opened them again, she was there, a few steps into the house.

_Th-Thump_

The gasp that escaped my lips was involuntary. Her wide eyes were a deep burgundy, and the second I made the sound they burned into me. I had seen blood red eyes before, but this was different. This was a _Cullen_. I felt myself flinching back from her. Jasper was poised behind Clara, his arms ready to restrain her if she attempted to pounce.

_Th-Thump_

Carlisle stopped, and faced Clara. "You don't need to breath, Clara. There is no need to make this more difficult for you." He reminded her firmly. It was not a request.

Her eyes flicked away form mine instantly, to meet the gaze of her father. The rhythmic rise and fall of her chest stopped. I wished mine could. I wished I could make this as easy as possible for her. I was all too aware of my heart beat, and the sound of my blood surging through my veins.

"Get out of my head."

I saw her open her mouth and form the words, but the voice that filled the air could not have belonged to her. It was low, rasping in her throat and each word was undercut with a cruel growl. Where was the musical tone I was so used to? I looked round at each of the family, and could see from their set expressions that this was not the daughter, sister that they had let go of. The realisation struck that she was referring to Edward. She knew he was listening to her mind, and I couldn't be sure whether it was because that was just what Edward did, or something more telling her what he was doing. I had never given any thought to whether Clara had a gift or not, but maybe this was it.

"Clara, he won't." Carlisle said, in the same authoritative tone he had used before. "You know he can't."

Fear gripped my heart as I saw her breathing again. She had to breathe to speak. And while breathing, she would smell me. I saw her pupils dilate in crude elation as my scent filled her nose, and her lips curled into an ugly snarl, bearing her deadly, glinting teeth. In a heart beat, elation became disgust, and Clara stepped backwards to the doorway. Her eyes were never taken from mine, but I could see it was killing her to look at me, just as it had killed her to walk backwards away from me. Her lips twitched as she tried desperately to pull them back over her almost pearlescent teeth. Clara's breathing was ragged in her chest, her shoulders rose and fell erratically.

"Are you fucking kidding me Edward?!" She half screamed, still unable to drag her eyes away from mine and looking directly at her brother. Her fingers gripped the doorjamb so tightly I was sure the wood would splinter at any moment. Her entire body was shaking, but I didn't know if it was vampiric; the fight against her instincts that her body was screaming out to fulfil, or human; an emotional result of who had satiated that original primal desire. Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle tightened ranks around her, and their elegant steps reminded me why I was more shock by her convulsions than her red eyes; I had never seen a vampire shaking before, it jarred harshly with everything I knew about them. It made Clara look like a different species.

"You know why she is here, Clara. This is not a punishment."

Clara forced herself to give a slow and measured nod, her eyes still locked with mine.

Carlisle's voice pierced the atmosphere again, his clear voice ringing through the room. "Clara, this is not who you are." His eyes never left her face, and each of us watched, silently begging Clara to be able to turn away from me. Slowly, ever so slowly, a growl grew in her chest, starting as a low hum and growing in intensity as she focused on what she was, and what she had become. The door frame cracked as her fingers penetrated the wood, but in that moment, her eyes were locked with Carlisle's. She was shaking harder, but now it was clearly a battle between her will and her thirst. The moment she looked away from me, the atmosphere deflated. Her growl continued, ending in a sharp cry as she clenched her jaw shut.

"Silence is killing,…distraction,… someone…" Clara struggled to string together coherent sentences, the battle that waged between the two halves of her being took so much effort. Suppressing the desire to kill me was getting more and more difficult again, after that brief respite. Every heavy exhale was accompanied by that low growl that made my fear very real.

"Where's Will?" Edward's voice sounded across the atmosphere with two words that hurt me as much as I knew they would hurt Clara.

Clara's snarl died on her lips, she let go of the doorjamb and slid down the wall, her savage fire quickly doused by the overwhelming sadness of why she was sat in her parent's house with her unnaturally red eyes among her golden eyed family, why they were poised to attack her, why she was a danger to me. Her eyes didn't move from the floor, and silent tearless sobs racked her lithe frame. Carlisle was by her side, his arms enveloping her. She leaned back into him, rocking him with the movements she made. Her hands clutched desperately at her chest, her beautiful cold features were contorted with pain that had no relief and looked out of place on her flawless face.

I had seen this image before. I had _been_ this wreck on the floor. If anyone had asked me where Edward was last year, even in ignorance…I couldn't bear to imagine how I would have reacted. My hand flew to my chest as the hole pulsed uncomfortably. I didn't want to look at this reflection of my past; it was too close, too real to see without drifting back into that dark part my life when I threw myself off a cliff just to hear Edward's voice. Clara was an image of what I had been, and the road that my life would have taken, had I not got Edward back. Maybe not a red eyed vampire, but certainly a monster, I had been over halfway to red eyed zombie. He was thinking along the same lines as me; his hand reached behind him and found mine.

The look on Carlisle's face alone was difficult to witness. He was Clara's father, and as he cradled her like a child, I immediately thought of Charlie, and the same hurt expression that only accompanies self blame. Just like Charlie, Carlisle felt it was his duty to protect Clara from this pain. He felt he could have, and should have done more to prevent this. Her heart was broken, and he could do nothing. In this moment, he did the only thing he could in his power to at least numb the ache that was consuming Clara. Not looking away from his daughter in his arms, his voice filled the room, but lacking in the tone of authority, and heavy in regret.

"Jasper." He said softly.

The atmosphere loosened its tight grip on everyone present, and Clara became still. Her expression softened, but all the calming waves in the world would not erase the sadness from her face entirely. Carlisle did not let her, and Clara gave a weak, apologetic smile to Jasper, and them to Edward. She wasn't quite ready to look me in the eye.

"See, all better." She said weakly. The growl had gone; her voice was stripped of its harshness, but still did not match those of her family.

I had to do something, to show her I didn't hate her, that I wasn't afraid of her. After that private war she displayed on a very public stage, I felt I had to make an equal effort to help her feel comfortable. But fear stilled my voice in my throat. Fear of Clara taking it the wrong way, and fear of Edward over reacting.

Her limbs tensed and her neck snapped round, again glaring at me with an unbearable intensity. The smallest inhalation she had to take to speak was too much. Clara was gone, banished until the thirst was satisfied again. Carlisle's hold changed from fatherly to restraining in the blink of an eye, and Emmett stepped even closer. She managed to force a single desperate cry of "Edward!" before her voice was lost in a guttural roar as she launched herself through the air, teeth bared and a vicious growl to accompany it. She sprung easily from Carlisle's arms, pushing out of them effortlessly as though he was human, rather than a super strong vampire. I gasped and stumbled backwards, falling onto the sofa. Emmett and Jasper pounced before she could get very far, and they landed heavily on the large dining table. The sound was deafening as it clattered to the floor with them in pieces. Despite the combined strength of these two, Clara was still struggling out of their grip. With a smart, well aimed kick to Emmett's shoulder, which sent a sickeningly smart crack spinning through the air, she managed to free one of her arms. Jasper was too quick for her, and held her free arm tightly. They crashed across the room, and as they reached the window, I realised they had no intention of stopping. Edward dived over me to protect me as the window shattered when the three of them tumbled through it and into the field outside. I must have screamed, and Edward held me tighter for it. I saw shards raining down and closed my eyes, curling up beneath Edward and waiting for it to be safe.

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	7. Aura

**So much love to you for reading :D. Stephanie, High Viscosity, Uknoulovemextay, Lacy Fair, you all make me happy happy happy. **

**Extra thankyou to Black Mary Janes and her Ninja cat for protecting me while I sleep and answering all my inane questions and letting me pick at your brain in general.**

**This literally came from no where, I wrote it so quickly. You will be pleased to hear, no more murderous vampiric hoover dreams to worry about :)**

**I got bored of Bella, so something a bit different...Clara POV**

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I fought them all. All four of them. Four of the people I loved more than anything. I had attempted to hurt them only so they would attack me, kill me. I didn't want this life any more, this eternal existence. How could I have the audacity to face it knowing what I had done.

Murder.

It was the only word for my disgusting act.

I loved him, and every moment I was with him I had convinced myself that was enough to rein in what I truly was, what I truly am.

Even as we hunted, as I drank the warm blood of the deer greedily, all I could taste was Will's blood. All I could feel on my skin was Will's hands. And afterwards the only thing I could do to distract myself was to incite my family to hurt me.

But the blows they reluctantly laid upon me did not hurt me. They glanced off my skin as mine had from theirs. They were not willing to take me apart as I wanted them to. The thirst had subsided, and with it the strength of my attack. The thirst I would never allow myself to become a slave to for as long as I lived, had crept back into the darkest recess of my mind. I felt it go. I noted the location of it, and drew down strong bars to contain it. Never again would I be what I was. No longer a Vampire. Just an unfortunate immortal. I would create new instincts, new rules to govern my existence, because living was out of the question.

I hauled myself out of Emmett vice grip and halted. I heard their silent footfalls. They surrounded me, wishing I had not the desire for another assault. Waves of calm were emanating from Jasper. If I wanted to submit to him I could have done so without hesitation; the temptation to fall beneath the surface of a warm sea of serenity was there. But I was resolute; I had made my bed, now I had to lie, unsleeping, between its laden sheets, until time told me otherwise. My body prickled as the emotion hit me, but I rejected the feeling. It was a reflex I had not used in 10 years, and it took half a second for me to reacquaint myself with the mechanics of it. It had taken a long time for me to perfect it after I had been changed, but Jasper's aura would always intensify slightly when he was manipulating emotions. It wasn't a gift, just something I had learned over time, with the help of my own ability. Pushing it away was like exhaling from every pore, and with a moment's effort, my muscles remembered the pattern of movement, and reflexively forced the emotion away.

_If you aren't going to kill me, then let me suffer._

They all heard it, I had intended them to. This I had never stopped using. It was only a case of thinking in a louder voice, and selecting the tone of the minds I wanted it to enter. But even though I didn't have to concentrate to manage it, I was still moved almost to tears when I could feel each of their minds around me. Four warm, loving, worried minds, connected to mine by four separate gossamer threads. Each a different colour, a different tone, but exactly the same as I remembered. Emmett's a forest green, Rosalie's scarlet, Alice's dark purple, and Jasper's a deep midnight blue. I knew what to expect when I was close enough to the others; Esme's dusky rose pink; Edward's charcoal; and Carlisle's warm gold that had been my favourite colour as a child – I had coveted the crayon named 'Goldenrod' from the moment I was introduced to Crayola.

It reminded me of a time when I was still one of them, a Cullen. My hand travelled to the locket that hung at my neck, the locket Carlisle had presented me with while I was still human. This small trinket was a physical link between my two lives. In one half was a picture of my mother and father. It dominated the left side where my defective, still heart lay. On the right was my other family, black and white, and mesmerising. I ran my fingers over the crest on the front of it, my fingers sensitive to every line, curve, and indent upon its silver surface. I was aching to return to this one constant that had been there my entire life. Yes, entire life. When they had to leave so suddenly, and silently I knew that something was still watching over me, and hurting alongside me. The Cullen's were who I was.

Was.

But what about now?

There was no denying that my desire to return to the house was strong. We walk a fine line between want and need, and though the boundary is but a silken thread, the consequences are earth shattering, as I knew all too well.

And what about that poor girl that I had hurled myself at like a demon. What about Edward? The prospect of facing him made me flinch, mentally and physically. The words he had cruelly chosen when I had first fallen in love with Will suddenly burst to the forefront of my mind with such an energy that I could not keep to myself.

"_Are you so desperate that you will let yourself believe that you are in love with a human? It's pathetic and dangerous. You won't last two days before you kill him."_

And there was the root for the only discord that lay between me and any of my siblings. Edward never forgave me for leaving, and especially as I was leaving for a human. Now, he would never forgive me for trying to kill Bella. Would it even be worth me returning home?

"Carlisle."

Alice's beautiful voice was a salve on my wounds, and at the same time, another piercing pain within me. My father. I wanted to be near him, beside him. I wanted him to hold onto me like he had at my Daddy's funeral and promise me he would look after me. That desire was too strong to ignore. Carlisle was the one I missed more than anyone in New York; it was Carlisle I feared the disappointment of when I realised what I had done; Carlisle was the only one of this family I would never have struck if he had followed me out the window. He was with Edward, and Bella. But I wanted to go to him.

I turned, and they turned with me. Rosalie placed an arm around my shoulders, and my head leant against her.

"Did Edward really say that to you?" She breathed as we walked behind the other three.

I couldn't open my mouth to respond, maintaining a human pace was difficult enough, so I refocused on the memories of that day that decided my fate.

"_Edward, please, I love him." I said, almost begging him to understand._

_His eyes narrowed. "You lust after him, nothing more. Everything you think about that feeble boy flies directly into my mind, and I can tell you it is certainly not love." His tone was mocking, and it hurt more than each of his razor sharp words._

_My own anger was bubbling. "You would know." I spat, not looking to see his reaction. As much as I wanted to punch him in the face, I didn't get any pleasure from my defensive actions._

_He prickled "Yes, Clara, I would know. I have seen more in this life than you could ever dream of-"_

"_Seen! Edward, how about you actually experience something rather than sitting behind you piano and stewing for the rest of time!"_

_His silence said more than any words. I struggled to control my raging emotions, to contain thoughts I wanted to keep to myself._

"_You aren't going to welcome him into this family are you?" I breathed._

_A single twitch of his head to one side was my response. And I flared up without a sound._

"_If you can't accept him as part of this family then fine, I am no longer part of this family." _

_Again, he scoffed. "Don't be stupid Clara, we are all you have. We are who you are." His blindness floored me. Every other member of the family understood. I knew it was difficult to accept, but they had done their best. Edward was not going to budge._

"_You are not all I have. I have Will. We are all _you_ have Edward."_

I froze the memory there and buried it safely. They all knew what happened next, and the ugly argument that had ensued. I had never told them why I was so intent on leaving with Will. I never told them that Edward was the reason for my departure, because I didn't want anything to change their opinion of him. He had been with Carlisle longer than anyone else; their bond was far deeper than anyone else's, until I had come along. I never thought that Edward resented me; he was a companion of Carlisle whereas I was a daughter to him. Edward was his equal, and I was not.

Edward and I had gravitated towards one another from the beginning, being the only two without partner's and our mirrored abilities, it seemed natural. Of course, Esme harboured wishes that Edward and I would fall in love, but I had seen enough of the world by the time I was changed to know that his stubbornness wasn't an innate male characteristic, and that some men could actually listen to someone else's opinion without taking as a slight.

Like Will for example. His mind was the most beautiful turquoise. It glowed, and glistened, like my skin in the sunlight. The second I saw the blue reflected in his eyes, I didn't have to be Alice to tell that things were going to change. His smile was so delicious, only ever hinting at the teeth that sat perfectly behind his lips. At lunch I would watch him from the other side of the room as he spoke to his friends; his lips parting, ineffectual teeth flashing, and teasing me with a glimpse of his tongue. The only thing that pulled me away from staring at him for the entire hour were the horrified outbursts of my family, obviously subjected to my thoughts of far better uses for his mouth. The light hearted teasing began, when they had no idea that this was no mere infatuation with the 'scrawny human'.

My nostalgia had to end, as a house I recognised only from stories told by every single member of the family to me as a child loomed before me; A big white house, surrounded by trees, with an enormous garden, where the most beautiful family lived. They had pale skin and golden tinted eyes, and lived off the land that surrounded them. And because they loved each other purely an enchantress had put a spell on them, so they might stay together forever. Each of them had their own variation, Emmett's usually included a surprise Grizzly bear attack that was only stopped by Jasper's meticulous strategy and Emmett's incredible strength, but there was always a Happily Ever After. I had never told one of these stories, but now I sincerely doubted my ability of providing a Happily Ever After. This house had filled my dreams for most of my life.

I winced, my eyes spotting the gaping hole in the perfectly glazed window. "Oops."

I found myself faltering at the door.

"She's asleep." Alice told me, with an encouraging nod. I still couldn't walk through the door. She took my hand.

"What's she like?" I breathed.

Alice beamed. "You tell me, I bet she has a beautiful aura."

I could have easily have seen it, but it was a personal thing. I would only look when Edward asked me to, or when I met her.

Alice rolled her eyes at me, leading me into the house.

The air was thick with Bella's scent, and as soon as I stepped into the room, my thirst flared, burning the back of my throat. But as much as it thrashed for release, the bars held firm, and I remained Clara. The interior was dim; one lamp in the corner partially illuminated the room. We didn't need the light to see, I assumed the lights that were on the landings were for Bella if she were to wake up in the night. The room was spacious, and white. From the opposite side, Esme approached me and took me in her arms, holding me tightly. I inhaled unnecessarily, filling my nose with the smell of my mother to ease the ache in my throat.

"Welcome home." Esme smiled, as she released me, before stepping back and subjecting me to her quick eye. "It's nice to have you back, Clara." She said, smiling wider than before.

This was my real welcome party; a few hours ago was a glitch, everyone would look at it that way, except Edward.

Each of my siblings embraced me, reminding me they loved me with a few choice words, pretending that our intense fight outside was just a harmless wrestle. Emmett scooped me off the floor with one arm and squeezed me so tight he was conveying far more to me than with what he said. "No more running away Clara Crayola."

His voice rumbled through his body into mine, and I couldn't help but giggle at the use of the name that had served me since my passion for the crayons had been discovered as a child. But it still couldn't distract my attention from Edward's stony expression that was glowering at me across the room.

Only one thing succeeded in doing that, Carlisle holding me like the child I felt like. I buried my face in his chest and tried to subdue the sob that rose in my throat as he stroked my back, and my hair.

"You have been dearly missed Clara." He said softly.

Each word was a caress in itself. Each stroke of his hand down my back took me to a time when I had no knowledge of the nature of my beautiful second family, thoughts and memories I didn't want to keep to myself flashed into my mind; Emmett spinning me round in the garden while I screamed with laughter until my stomach hurt and threatened to be sick on his shoes; Rosalie's cool fingers combing gently through my hair after my bath to make sure it didn't get into knots when she braided it; Alice and Jasper playing the most epic game of hide and seek the house had ever known; Esme singing old songs in the dead of night to chase away my nightmares; Carlisle letting me curl up on his knee as he told me stories about the pale skinned family in the big white house; Edward sitting beside me at the piano, waiting patiently as my clumsy fingers stumbled over the keys.

Six out of seven auras glowed in my mind as each of my memories was passed to them. Edward's scowl deepened and he left the room quicker than anyone had a chance to follow him.

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**_It was very long, apologies. If you made it to the end without dying, leave me a review, let me know you are safe after wading through it ;)_**


	8. New York

**I am a terrible person. If anyone is even reading this i applaud you. It has taken me faaar too long to write this. It's cos i have deadlines looming again. Haha. But, its back on track now, at least. Can you ever forgive me? I wouldn't. Instead, listen to the Bon Iver song _For Emma_. The a cappella version on youtube has been powering me through life (things cant help but be complex). You will be pleased to know that I have a plan for the rest of this too. This is a good sign. Enjoy. I own nothing.**

**What happened in New York...Bella POV**

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I slept through the night; the events of the day left me utterly drained. My dreams were disjointed, and more memories of insignificant details rather than terrors. Despite this, they were overpowering, and took over my mind for the moments they flashed clear as crystal in an instant, or condensed gradually, clarity coming slowly.

Edward's roar as Clara launched herself across the room, Jasper growling violently just before Clara forced them through the window, Rosalie letting out a harsh cry as Clara fought Emmett for her escape, glass crunching underfoot were the soundtrack to the images that emerged; Clara's eyes burning into mine, the look on Carlisle's face as he held his heartbroken daughter, Emmet and Jasper pouncing on Clara to restrain her, the three of them leaving a path of destruction through the house as they smashed through the window, Rosalie and Alice gracefully bounding after them; they all jostled for position, ignoring any order. The glass from the window hung, constantly suspended in mid air, spinning light across the room that reflected off their skin. Against this glittering background the horrors of the day were played and replayed. Now that there was nothing to hear, my brain was overwrought with noise, cacophonic, and loud. The only sound I wanted to hear at that moment was the one that brought order to my morbid orchestra. Edward's mouth was at my ear, his lips pressed gently against the lobe. His voice was like a cool cloth against the burning rawness of my mind. I was pulled from my exhausting sleep and straight into his arms by his deep voice and quiet words.

"Bella." He said the word softly, as though he was relishing the sound of my name in the air rather than trying to wake me. I smiled before opening my eyes and meeting his.

"Good morning." He murmured huskily.

I sighed and stretched into his body, my dream forgotten. I screwed my face up in displeasure when I realised we had to go and sit through a day of classes.

AS though he could read my mind, Edward climbed out of the bed and sighed.

"Unfortunately, yes. Forks high is calling."

I looked at him, "We still have to go to school with all this drama?"

He nodded and kissed my temple softly.

Edward escorted me to the bathroom and waited outside as I showered and dressed. There was an element of a prison guard to his intense observation of me; as though I couldn't be trusted alone. I knew it wasn't me he didn't trust, but Clara, and having Edward by my side to catch me every time I was to stumble would prevent a repeat performance of my birthday. So I walked beside him gratefully, knowing I would rather have him there and never meet Clara than be without him. As we walked down the stairs, delicious smells met my nose from the kitchen. Edward gave the closest thing to a smile I had seen in days as my stomach rumbled loudly.

"What? I still need to eat, regardless of the drama that happens around my stomach."

He chuckled and led me to the kitchen, setting me on a stool at the island, while Esme handed me a plate overflowing with amazing smelling food. I ate silently, and gratefully, while Edward helped Esme clean up. After breakfast and cleaning my teeth, we were ready to go to school, and I was slightly disappointed to have not met Clara again before we left. My displeasure was short lived as Alice, Jasper and Clara appeared as we descended the stairs. Edward grabbed my hand suddenly and put himself in front of me. Clara stepped back immediately putting Alice and Jasper and Edward between her and me; even I could sense how desperately she wanted to regain Edward's trust.

Alice was stood beside Clara, and shook her head at her brother. "Edward, nothing happens now. Everything is fine."

Edward growled at them, and I squeezed his hand as hard as I could without hurting myself.

Alice gave him a smile. "I am bursting with curiosity, will you let her see?" She was grinning now, bouncing gently on the balls of her feet. Jasper, beside her, smiled at her excitement and took her hand.

Now _I_ was bursting with curiosity. "See what?" I asked, stepping out of Edward's shadow so I could see Alice fully.

"Clara see's auras. We want to know what colour yours is." She rushed.

Edward's face darkened. "We have to get to school."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Edward, come on. Tell me you don't care what colour she is."

He narrowed his eyes at Alice; obviously the argument would be conducted silently. As I watched Edward, I glanced at Clara, who was avoiding making direct eye contact with me. Her eyes hovered at my shoes, travelled up my jeans and then up the plain shirt I was wearing. They skirted across my face, and I closed my eyes for the moment ours would have met. When I reopened them they lingered on mine and Edward's fingers, interlinked tightly. She seemed to have relaxed for having fully surveyed me, I was glad to have played a part in alleviating some of her pain.

I saw Clara close her eyes briefly, before speaking to her siblings. Her voice was now softer than the last time I had heard her speaking, no longer like barbed wire and broken glass, but honey and silk, warm and sultry.

"Alice, it's okay. I'll look later. You have to go to school."

Alice looked at Clara, and sighed loudly. "Fine. Let's go to school. Come on Bella, Edward, lets not be late, they might teach us what colour you are in first period." Her tone was hard but her eyes twinkled harmlessly as she kissed Clara on the cheek and grabbed my hand, tugging Edward and I towards the car.

*

School passed slowly, despite the fact that Alice's false grump only lasted until I had buckled my seatbelt after being dragged through the house and to the Volvo. Edward's mood was a sombre one, but still, the classes would have passed even slower without him beside me during them. Lunch saw the conversation turned briefly internal between Alice and Edward, until I swiftly put a stop to it.

"Come on, I'm right here, include me." I snapped it without meaning to. The past few days and my increasingly exhausting dreams had left me with no patience for molly coddling or bubble wrapping. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so crabby. Can you just talk to me, please."

Edward kissed my hand in apology and looked at me with eyes that could be described as puppy dog, were he not a vampire.

"Do you think Charlie will mind you coming to ours again this evening? Alice has seen Clara explaining herself."

My heart stammered in my chest. "And you're okay with this?" I asked, tentatively.

Edward exhaled heavily and nodded. "I want to know what happened. And I spent all of last night listening to her apologies and vague explanations."

"And I know she won't do anything." Alice added, pushing her lunch around her tray with her fork.

I nodded. Charlie would have to be okay with it. I knew Clara was using me as a reason to explain what had happened that night with Will, and I was okay with it. Any role I could play in this family was all I wanted right now.

**

Charlie was at work, thankfully, that evening so wouldn't miss me at the house. He was happier for me to be at the Cullen's than home alone, and hoped I could be of some help with Alice's ongoing history project. The Cullen's fed me, and Edward helped with my homework, before I saw any sign of Clara. Her arrival was heralded by Carlisle, who only did so for my benefit; Edward had been tense for a few minutes beforehand, obviously because he heard them coming. I was sat at the head of the table, with the family on both my sides. Clara stood on the opposite side of the room, _pacing_.

Emmett noticed what was wrong there immediately. He gave a loud guffaw. "Good thing you came home when you did Clara Bear, human habits were wearing off on you."

She looked at him, and gave a small attempt at a smile that barely moved her lips let alone meet her eyes. Suddenly she was still, and looking at a point just above my head.

"It's nice to meet you Bella, I'm Clara, Edward's little sister." Her voice was unsteady, and she finally forced herself to meet my eye when she said the word 'sister'.

I smiled, squeezing Edward's hand under the table. "You too Clara." I said, my own voice sounding clear and confident enough for the two of us.

"I guess you want to hear why I came home?" Her eyes were now fixed on mine, and I could tell she was pretending that we were alone.

I nodded. "As long as you don't mind telling me."

She shook her head. "It's only fair." She sighed.

"Not that it will do much, by this point." Edward said, clearly provoked by a thought that he had heard. His tone was bored, and unimpressed.

Clara's eyes flicked to Edward on my right.

"Clara, stop begging for forgiveness. Tell us why we should forgive you, or more specifically, why _I_ should forgive you, you ruined your own life and almost ruined mine with your selfishness. If you hadn't been so selfish to leave in the first place, none of this would be happening."

Clara had reacted before I even saw. She was on our side of the room now, a single hand around Edward's throat, holding him against the wall. Strength coursed through her slender body; strength that looked too strong for her frame, the violence of the action looked like it would snap her in two.

"Shut up Edward." She spat, fury blazing in her eyes.

The entire family was on its feet, and I followed suit, unsure how to react.

Edward growled, and Alice grabbed my arm, pulling me away from the scene. I struggled but her smallness hid enormous power and it was effortless for her to resist my struggles and I was dragged behind Carlisle.

"Edward!" Came Carlisle's commanding tone, channelling what the entire family wanted to say to him.

"No Carlisle, it's true." Edward said, I swear he even shrugged, despite the fact that his sister had him pinned to the wall by his neck.

"Yes, it's true." Clara snarled, the anger contorting her features, making her face ugly, and something to fear. "It's true that you hate me so much because you fear that you and Bella will become me and Will. That you will snap and murder her, and it doesn't matter how much you love her, or how much you say you will die for her, because in that split second reaction all that you think about is blood. Something that she has and you want. You will probably be kind, snapping her neck as you bite into the soft flesh that used to give you comfort and warmth, but still it will hurt her and in that brief space when she is still living and you are drinking her blood she will cry out, and the sound will forever play in your head; your personal theme tune, blaring out suddenly when you think yourself safe from your demons. And no matter how fast you run, or how high you jump, or how much fucking Elk you kill, his blood will be what you crave, what you taste when you feed. His eyes will bore into you whenever you close yours. His breath will be what you feel on your skin with the wind." She caught herself, realising what she was saying. Her breath was catching in her throat and she stopped breathing to control the unnecessary panting. She drew her hand from Edward's throat slowly, as though it was a struggle to do so.

"You don't have anything to worry about Edward." Clara said eventually speaking to fill up the unbearable silence. "You and Bella are not going to become me and Will."

Edward's eyes flicked to my face for a fraction of a second. He spoke, his voice unsure, desperate. "How,…how do you know?"

Clara gave a vacant smile and looked directly at me. "Because Bella loves you with every part of her being, and-" Here Clara paused and gave an empty chuckle which matched perfectly with her previous smile. "And Will didn't love me."

My heart broke with hers at that moment. Clara looked shell shocked at the words being voiced after so long trapped inside her chest, gnawing away at her like a festering wound. They hit the room with a sharp ringing, and in that moment, as the words were absorbed by each Cullen present, everything changed. The weight of the air increased, it became more of an effort to inhale it and the words Clara had given up clung to the stifling atmosphere, and nestled themselves into a comfortable nook in the room; they were not to be forgotten for a long while it would seem. I was aching for her, the old wound deep inside me had opened for the briefest second but that was enough to let the pain overwhelm me. I stumbled and staggered to my knees as tears poured down my cheeks and heavy sobs cracked my throat. I couldn't cry hard enough or loud enough for Clara's pain, for my own pain when I believed Edward didn't love me, for Esme and Carlisle who could only watch as Clara's heart broke again, for Alice who had seen it coming and couldn't stop it, for Jasper who could feel exactly what Clara could, for all of them. There weren't enough tears that I could shed for this family, this beautiful family who held so much pain and possessed no physical way of expressing it. I had to do it for them. But I could have cried for the rest of eternity and it would have been but a single grain of sand taken from the barren desert of their sorrows. Edward was by my side in a second and I clung to him pathetically, hot wet tears saturating the front of his shirt as my breathed hitched repeatedly in my throat. He pressed his cool skin against my burning face and I could feel him willing me to calm down, but needing me to cry for him and his sister especially. I was crying for the figure that he was and for the spectre that he would become if he gave in as Clara had. Clara was perfectly still, her hand hovering mid air, where she had taken it away from Edward's neck. Her eyes were the only thing to move, drinking in the reactions of her family. I hiccoughed my way out of hysteria and tried to clear my eyes, desperately trying to make eye contact with her.

"How do you know he didn't love you?" I said, voicing everyone's thoughts, in a voice thick with my sadness.

Clara slowly looked at me, sat on the floor with Edward holding onto me as though I might cry myself away. Suddenly she stepped out of the way, revealing the sofa behind her. "Sorry Bella, do you want to sit down?" She said, in a detached sounding voice, as though she was the neglectful hostess of a party.

I nodded, and went to get up but Edward got me to the sofa more gracefully than I could ever have managed, even when my face wasn't red and puffy.

"Are you okay?" He whispered, kissing the corner of my eye.

"Yes." I said, leaning into him, exhausted and emotionally spent. But Clara needed me to ask these questions, she needed to say what had happened out loud, and considering I was immune to her ability, I was the only person to get her to do that.

"There was an incident." She began, her clear voice hiding a distinct shake that even my meagre human hearing could pick up on. "In New York, there was always going to be an incident. Some drunks started hassling me, and I handled it. That was it. The stupid, insignificant meeting between me and some complete fools where I said too many big words and kicked them in the balls was the start of it." She shook her head slowly at the memory. "Will was furious when I told him, and was ready to search the city for them, but I managed to calm him down, convince him it was fine, that I was fine."

"And then it was as though he realised the implications of what having me as a girlfriend were. Strength, speed, thought manipulation. As a man he was completely unnecessary for protection, because I was bullet proof. He felt emasculated by me, which if you aren't having a good day anyway, is just the thing to make you feel pretty." She sniped sarcastically.

"That's the marker for the start of the distance, when he started pulling away. I would even go so far as to say that at that moment he fell out of love with me. Which was also when he seemed to develop an insatiable sexual appetite." Clara looked at me intently. "Bella, I'm a vampire, I _know_ insatiable. But Will," She shook her head. "I don't know. It didn't matter how many times we did it, or even what we did." A shrug was all she offered, "He always wanted more. And how could I refuse him? Even if he didn't love me, I was infatuated with him and wanted him to be happy. So I complied. It got to the point that it was almost too much for me to handle, and he knew that, he could tell that I was heading towards dangerous ground. But he continued to drive me there."

"I came back from hunting one night to find Will still awake, sat in front of the TV, waiting for me to return. He smiled at the colour of my eyes, and stood up to greet me.

"'Hello my golden eyed hunter,' He grinned. My heart soared, thinking that this was the end of his pushing the boundaries. He hadn't called me that a long time, and it warmed me and gave me hope that this was salvageable. As he leant in to kiss me, he froze and opened his eyes, the smile lost from them.

"'You stink.' He growled, stepping away from me.

"'What do you mean?' I asked, in complete ignorance, feeling the good feelings seeping out of me and the coldness that I had to magnify while we had sex coming back.

"'You smell like an animal, your breath.'

I was stunned, because I knew this wasn't true. I knew he was lying to me, and it hurt.

"'I don't want you to smell like that.'" He said, turning away from me. 'I can't even look at you when you smell like that.'

And there he had me, because the thought of him never looking at me, never wanting me burned more than any amount of thirst ever could. And I made my stupid weak promise to the man who never intended to look at me again regardless. He wanted to punish me for the emasculation. He wanted to punish me because I wasn't beaten and raped by those idiots, because I would never need him to protect me."

I hesitated. "What did you promise?" I asked, my voice hoarse and barely above a whisper.

Clara looked at me with beautifully sad crimson eyes. "I promised Will that I wouldn't hunt more than was truly necessary. I told him I would only hunt when he was out of town. And with that promise the Golden Eyed Hunter was dead. She was replaced in Will's life by a black eyed whore who would never be able to satisfy him, no matter what she did."

"The sex, which he claimed he needed more than ever was beyond bearable. I had learned to control myself when I was hunting regularly; it was easy enough. But with nothing in me, nothing to dull the burning in my throat, nothing to coat the bloodlust, to numb it, it was indescribable. Everything was building up inside of me and sex was not the release I was craving. What I desired was something far more base, and sickening to me. The combination of starvation and Will testing my self control were making me crave his blood, something I had never experience to this degree before. Every time I looked at him I wanted to bite him. I needed another outlet; I needed something to stop me from killing him, as I knew I soon would. Once, I came so close to biting him, my mouth was open over his throat, I was a hairs breadth from freedom and release. But this freedom I so craved was coupled with something else; fear, and hurt. How could I bear to live without him, despite everything we had become now? I loved him more than I had ever thought myself capable of, and just because it was difficult now didn't give me the right to take the easy route. I would work this through, I would fix this. I would never use any vampiric ability for the rest of my life if that is what it took to get my Will back. So at the very last moment I twisted my head and bit into my arm. The pain was enough to distract me, but not unbearable. I would rather feel that than the burning for his blood. So that is what I did when Will's demands became difficult, only when they became more than I could bear, only when if I didn't do something, I would have killed him. It was for his safety. He didn't see the scars because he didn't even look at my body any more. Will didn't care what I looked like any more. He didn't notice my eyes, black and empty, or the bruise like shadows under them that made me look like a dead thing. He saw me as a thing now anyway, no longer his Golden Eyed Hunter, no longer Cee. I was nothing to him so when he looked into my eyes and saw nothing, it was normal. And I felt as empty as I looked. The thirst was difficult to maintain, but the only thing that kept me from giving in and hunting was the knowledge that I couldn't die from hunger. I could never drink again and still exist. The thought both comforted and disturbed me. I would continue as this vacant unfulfilled creature for eternity for one who did not even return my love. I was certain that if the sun had shone into our poky little flat that I wouldn't have even glowed, let alone sparkled and shone as I had in Alaska when I had first met Will."

"And then came the day of reckoning. 3 months since that last, fatal hunting trip and Will come home, with a bottle of wine, and a bubble of happiness in his chest. He scampered about the flat, collecting things together; cds, newspapers, books. I assumed it was his itinerary for the night. He kissed me like he hadn't kissed me in such a long time that I had forgotten how incredible he made me feel. His mouth, my favourite part of him, was on mine with all the tenderness and love as it had been the first time we made love, so long before this time, a time that belonged to photo albums and old scrawled notes left scattered around a room I could barely remember, in a house I could hardly see. I let go of everything, relief waterlogging my senses, ecstasy clouding my vision, my judgement, my thoughts. Unexpectedly he broke the kiss. I opened my eyes, my lips still pouted at him. I smiled despite the premature ending; all that I cared about was that We were back.

"'Clara,' He sighed, my name sounded exquisite from his mouth. 'I'm going.'"

"It didn't really register what he meant. Too much was distracting me. I had spent too long cocooned in self denial, preservation and concentration and when Will had broken me out of the chrysalis, the light was bright, Will was incredible, the kiss was full to the brim with love. I thought he meant he was going out of town to give me an opportunity to hunt, so I smiled and nodded, so appreciative that this dark time was over, that we could get back to where we were. He shook his head, I had obviously shared that thought with him.

"'I don't love you.' He said, blankly, nothing in his eyes but unmaskable hatred. 'I hate you.'

"I stepped away from him as I anticipated his move half a beat before it happened. 'I want to hurt you.' He said, closing his hand around a knife from the kitchen. I heard the skin slice, and the blood bust out into his closed palm. I smelt it before I saw it. And I saw what he intended; he knew I would never hurt him, he wanted me to be in agony over him, as much as was physically possible, which was why he had starved me, and pushed me beyond any normal limitations. He was banking on me hurting myself before I hurt him, but with those final words, my resolve snapped. I saw myself pouncing on him, and heard the smart crack of his fingers, wrist and then arm breaking in my desperation to get to his blood. Will cried out. At the time it was nothing to me, I didn't even hear it. I remember the taste; I don't think I will ever forget it. The revulsion and realisation didn't set in until it was too late, and but I hadn't the strength to stop myself. It was a frenzy I was trapped in; hungry, angry and alone. By the time I had control, Will was dead, and I had killed him. And the only thing I was aware of as I tried frantically to remain lucid was Will's anguished cry."

I was immobile. I was barely even breathing. Clara's words had cast an enchantment over the room and movement was impossible. My fingers were gripping Edward's hand so tightly my knuckles were white.

Clara looked up at her family, who stood at the side of the room. Esme's hand was held over her mouth tightly, her other hand clinging to the front of Carlisle's shirt. Emmett had his hands securely round Rosalie, who was so tense she looked like she might shatter if she moved. Emmett's usually smiling face was darker than I had ever seen it before. Jasper's teeth were bared, and his breathing came in an unsteady, ragged growl through them. Alice moved across the room, and stopped in front of her sister.

"There is so much I wish you had seen." Clara choked, grasping tightly the hand that Alice offered to her. Esme sat on my other side, and I let go of Edward's hand. He hesitated, and I gave him a nod, which was all I could manage to give. He was by Clara's side in a moment, and gathered her in his arms just as she was about to buckle under the grief she carried.

"I should never have left. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She sobbed into his neck, holding him as tightly as he held her.

"I shouldn't have let you go. It's as simple as that." He said angrily.

Carlisle stepped towards them, "None of us should have," I had never heard Carlisle speak with such a dark tone, and I didn't like it.

Clara shook her head. "How were you to know. You couldn't have stopped me." She raised her head from Edward's shoulder to look at her father. "This is my own doing."

Alice had stepped back towards Jasper, shaking her head. "What good is this gift if I can't prevent things like this." She said softly.

The mood of the room had nosedived, grief was saturating us all. But Clara tore her saddened eyes away from her sister to look me square in mine. Her words were quiet, and simple, but all that was needed.

"Thankyou." She said softly.

I knew she meant for being there for Edward, for the family in her absence and then finally for herself right then.

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its not over. review?


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